BULGE LAB FINDINGS: A swimmer-exhibitionist in his Spidey suit. Our bulge technicians frown on suits with graphics because they distort, warp, contort, diffuse, distract and conceal the contents. And swimmers are swimmers to exhibit. Nonetheless our bulge lab went to work on these photos using X-ray geometry and topographic imaging and high-frequency radiometry. They find that this swimmer is uncut and has a straight upward-pointing rod of about 8 or 9 inches and above-average thickness. He’s also not hard here. But he’s blazing hot. We should loan him some suits for more pics! More of him at @jonnypistolxxx

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WHITE OUT. We’ve been looking for years for these suits, on and off. (Hey, on and off sounds nice!) But in recent weeks our bulge technicians realized that by now we shoulda stumbled across them if they had been out there. So we decided to dig deeper if they were gonna be so rare and all. We set aside the routine chores of bulge analytics this weekend and began an intense hunt for these hot Adidas suits in white — both in the “Originals” style pictured at top and new-logo style below.

Obviously Twinkz Illustrated’s usual suppliers, like swimoutlet and Metro Swim Shop and Kiefer didn’t have them, suggesting they’re not available in the U.S. We tried swiminn, which is overseas. Nope. We tried swim stores in the U.K. Nope. We tried eBay in the U.K. and then in Germany, where Adidas is based. We scoured German web sites for terms like “Adidas badehose.” Nope, nope, and nope, respectively. All we found was a mountain of black suits with white stripes, which we already had. And then, giving up on Google, we stooped to Bing. Reduction in dignity aside, Bing is what gave us our lead. Suddenly we weren’t looking for “Adidas badehose Weiß” but “Adidas costume uomo bianco/nero.” Success! These rare suits are out there, concealed in the lycra underground of Italy like terrorists in a cave!

No longer. Twinkz Illustrated is going to photograph a whole pool full of models in these suits. Be patient and rub your Speedo for a bit. The pics will be up soon.

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To the Twinkz Illustrated Bulge Lab: I like lifting up my shirt and showing off my abs. I like showing off my waistband too. Sometimes I wear American Eagle or Hugo Boss. I can always spot when my waistband triggers their imaginations about what’s inside my underwear. But with a Speedo there IS no waistband! If I wear a speedo as underwear, how will I ever tease anybody again!?

twinkz-illustrated: Ditching the Cotton. This swimmer has ditched his American Eagle waistband in exchange for drawstrings. He’d rather have you fantasizing about the suit he’s wearing than a wrinkly cotton lump that doesn’t tell you what’s inside. Dear Twink: You’re asking the right questions, and there is a solution to your problem. First you need […]

Read more "To the Twinkz Illustrated Bulge Lab: I like lifting up my shirt and showing off my abs. I like showing off my waistband too. Sometimes I wear American Eagle or Hugo Boss. I can always spot when my waistband triggers their imaginations about what’s inside my underwear. But with a Speedo there IS no waistband! If I wear a speedo as underwear, how will I ever tease anybody again!?"

twinkz-illustrated:

Our Bulge Analytics Department would reveal that this water-polo player’s dick is cut, a bit over 7″ and points downward when hard, just like it points downward in his suit when soft. Here it is clearly half hard, and you can see the suit nestling his head into the bottom of his sack.

Swimmers whose dicks point up when hard often point their dicks up in their suits so that their shiny wet chlorinated organs can inflate freely when they get hard at a meet or a water-polo match.

In any case there’s no need for Bulge Analytics to inform us what kind of dick is in this suit because you can see it right here!

Keep tabs on us at Twinkz-Illustrated.com
See the Speedos off at twinkz-deillustrated.tumblr.com

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twinkz-illustrated:

yungerdaddy:

Mmmm.

Another post from our Chief Bulge Analyst here at the Department of Bulge Analytics! Hey, notice he’s kinda eyeing the goalie in front of him. If it’s a goalie’s job to get his hands on the balls, how is he missing the ones two feet away?! And below we’ve included another pic of this water-polo player from the Bulge Lab Library. Guaranteed you haven’t seen it floating around. We have some exclusive shit here at the Lab. 

Bulge Lab Findings: Thick and uncut, of course. A handful, mouthful and assfull, depending on what you do with it. Also, this Turbo suit seems to be of an older style. The sides are wider than they are today. Turbo suits now have the narrowest cuts around for competition. If you want narrower, get a bikini or something else, but Team Bulge will not endorse that.

Refer to this post here if you want a refresher on competition swimwear always being acceptable as underwear but underwear (or whatever weird incarnation 2xist or DorkyDonky Chinese Fashion House inserts into the world) never being acceptable as swimwear. Or really at all!

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GOODBYE, SCALIA. On to the big gay orgy in the sky. Enjoy. Don’t forget to swallow.

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Definitely a wardrobe malfunction, as this model should be in a Speedo.

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