OUR BULGE LAB ANALYZED these shots and determined the one on the left wasn’t wearing underwear. He should be wearing a competition swim brief without the shorts. But not everybody minds our dicktates, alas.

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twinkz-illustrated:

TWINKZ ILLUSTRATED HAS BEEN training this swimmer on proper beach attire – which means Speedo. But he thinks you’ll like what you see way too much, so he opts to tease instead. (He did model one of our new white Adidas suits from Italy recently, though.)

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THIS SEEMS TO BE A Puma compression boxer-brief, widely strewn throughout the U.S. now at discount stores like Ross and TJ Maxx. For that we censure this beach-goer: Only Speedos or other competition swim briefs are proper attire in most any setting, but especially this one. Our Bulge Lab analysts commend him for the black material and green stitching; we would order a suit from TruWest or Agon with that theme. And they commend him for the 11-inch circumcized downward-curved dick that twists about 28 degrees cockwise when stiff.

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BULGE LAB FINDINGS: A swimmer-exhibitionist in his Spidey suit. Our bulge technicians frown on suits with graphics because they distort, warp, contort, diffuse, distract and conceal the contents. And swimmers are swimmers to exhibit. Nonetheless our bulge lab went to work on these photos using X-ray geometry and topographic imaging and high-frequency radiometry. They find that this swimmer is uncut and has a straight upward-pointing rod of about 8 or 9 inches and above-average thickness. He’s also not hard here. But he’s blazing hot. We should loan him some suits for more pics! More of him at @jonnypistolxxx

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WHITE OUT. We’ve been looking for years for these suits, on and off. (Hey, on and off sounds nice!) But in recent weeks our bulge technicians realized that by now we shoulda stumbled across them if they had been out there. So we decided to dig deeper if they were gonna be so rare and all. We set aside the routine chores of bulge analytics this weekend and began an intense hunt for these hot Adidas suits in white — both in the “Originals” style pictured at top and new-logo style below.

Obviously Twinkz Illustrated’s usual suppliers, like swimoutlet and Metro Swim Shop and Kiefer didn’t have them, suggesting they’re not available in the U.S. We tried swiminn, which is overseas. Nope. We tried swim stores in the U.K. Nope. We tried eBay in the U.K. and then in Germany, where Adidas is based. We scoured German web sites for terms like “Adidas badehose.” Nope, nope, and nope, respectively. All we found was a mountain of black suits with white stripes, which we already had. And then, giving up on Google, we stooped to Bing. Reduction in dignity aside, Bing is what gave us our lead. Suddenly we weren’t looking for “Adidas badehose Weiß” but “Adidas costume uomo bianco/nero.” Success! These rare suits are out there, concealed in the lycra underground of Italy like terrorists in a cave!

No longer. Twinkz Illustrated is going to photograph a whole pool full of models in these suits. Be patient and rub your Speedo for a bit. The pics will be up soon.

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twinkz-deillustrated:

GREEN SPORTI BRIEF Post No. 2. @twunk-heaven has shared with us his bod in
a swim brief. (He neglected to take it off.) It’s not quite a Speedo,
but is available at such places as swimoutlet.com. The Twinkz
Illustrated bulge technicians have tirelessly looked for a Speedo in
this color (which have existed in the past) but they aren’t easy to find.
Same for TYR suits.

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Reposting our water-polo player in his white Turbo suit. 

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SCORE: Twinkz Illustrated recruited a goalie for some photos the other day. Which was nice. Because we can always find water-polo players who want to surrender their bodies for photos in briefs. But not goalies. Understandable. They’re so tired from taking all of those shots from all of those other twink shooters trying to attack their boxes all day long — with all of those skip shots, lob shots, curve shots, screw shots, tee shots, wet shots, penalty shots. All of those shiny wet swimmers shooting at them with their cradle grips and three-finger releases and backspin rotations. God, they really make a goalie work to get his hands on the balls. Sometimes the only relief is an ejection foul. After all of the frenzy, you’d rather get head from a teammate than wrap your bulge in a water-polo brief for photographs. Except in this case. We have our ways. 

This goalie’s team wears University Red Nike polyester water-polo briefs. Since there’s no lycra in them, his team’s suits also happen to feel slick and lubey when the players rub their bulges together. The king of slipperyness and lubeyness is nylon tricot, which Speedos used to be made of (lycra got added a few years ago and it was a show-stopper). This goalie is feeling the stimulus of nylon tricot against his suit in the second picture in the form of TYR nylon shorts.

There’s no place in the world that romanticizes and poeticizes nylon as well as the Nylon Speedo Authority’s site meninnylon.blogspot.com. Twinkz Illustrated of course erects the occasional nylon-related post and you can check the tag for it.

Speedos off at twinkz-deillustrated.tumblr.com
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TWINKZ ILLUSTRATED HAS BEEN training this swimmer on proper beach attire – which means Speedo. But he thinks you’ll like what you see way too much, so he opts to tease instead. (He did model one of our new white Adidas suits from Italy recently, though.)

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kinkyswimmer:

KIDNAPPED – SAL

A fourth year electrical engineering major, Sal was yet another freakishly talented individual. Besides having one of the highest GPA’s in his class, a beautiful girlfriend, and aspirations to study a masters in computer science before embarking on a career in high tech – Sal was an excellent swimmer.

Like his teammates, he too was incredibly cute and had a very, very nice ass.

Bulge Lab Findings: This TYR suit looks a size too big or has unstylish wide sides or both. In any case, the contents are fine: A cut dick pointed to the right that gets to 5.5″ hard.

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Yep – the REAL post from the Bulge Lab of the Salvisberg boy and his brothers. Have always figured that left-positioned dick was faked but nonetheless, it looks good. UPDATE: Bulge Lab Intelligence is reporting that the photographer is known in the Bulge Analytics community as Buffboi.

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