As nice as Under Armour is, the dress code for Twinkz mandates Speedos or other competition swim briefs be worn at all times. So off goes the Under Armour for some Speedo photos. This is Helix’s Sasha Peterson. With the Tumblr blog being rather PG-13ish, we figured we’d post a few more Speedoless shots here.
TWINKZ ILLUSTRATED HAS THIS SUIT, an Arena brief called the “Santamarias.” Who knows why it’s plural because we thought there was only one Santa Maria! We skipped ordering too many of these because we were already clearing out the entire Italian inventory of this white Adidas suit here and here.
THE MODEL SEEMS to be Arnau Salinas, wearing the same Turbo New Zealand water-polo suit that we have in wardrobe here at the Twinkz Illustrated Bulge Lab! The Lab also determined that his dick is pointed to the left and uncut. Unfortunately the photographer did not think to have his camera’s sensor cleaned. Look at all of the dust.
OUR BULGE LAB ANALYZED these shots and determined the one on the left wasn’t wearing underwear. He should be wearing a competition swim brief without the shorts. But not everybody minds our dicktates, alas.
TWINKZ ILLUSTRATED HAS BEEN training this swimmer on proper beach attire – which means Speedo. But he thinks you’ll like what you see way too much, so he opts to tease instead. (He did model one of our new white Adidas suits from Italy recently, though.)
TURBO’S THICK MATERIAL AND PATTERNS and graphics interfere with bulge analytics. This is its “Red Baron” suit. You won’t find it anywhere. We wonder who took this photo and why we haven’t seen 10 more.
THIS SWIMMER KEEPS putting up with our photographers! It’s our fifth shoot. Except this time he’s wearing an ultra-rare white Adidas swim brief — so rare we could only find it in Italy! We have reports from overseas bulge analysts that it was also available at Adidas outlet stores in France.
OUR SWIMMER IN HIS white Adidas swim brief, ordered from Italy, since you can’t find them in the United States! For that matter, Twinkz Illustrated just about exhausted the entire Italian inventory by ordering about 12 of these. Read about the heroic mission we went on to find these suits here.
NYLON? TWINKZ ILLUSTRATED BRIEFLY interviewed AussieBum founder Sean Ashby recently about the state of this fucking-hot material. And here we give you more about it and what he said about its future. You’re choosing well when you choose nylon (especially what’s been known as nylon tricot for decades) as material for your swim briefs, running […]
THIS WAS SHOT ON KODAK film. Our photographer and chief bulge analyst hastily opened the camera’s rear cover when it was time to change rolls and exposed the film to light without first rewinding it, thus damaging all of the shots. This is a cleaned-up result. Damage aside, any bulge analyst can still conclude that our swimmer keeps his plump cut dick pointed to the left. Were it not for the modern lycra Size 28 Speedo, you might think this was taken in 1962!
THIS SEEMS TO BE A Puma compression boxer-brief, widely strewn throughout the U.S. now at discount stores like Ross and TJ Maxx. For that we censure this beach-goer: Only Speedos or other competition swim briefs are proper attire in most any setting, but especially this one. Our Bulge Lab analysts commend him for the black material and green stitching; we would order a suit from TruWest or Agon with that theme. And they commend him for the 11-inch circumcized downward-curved dick that twists about 28 degrees cockwise when stiff.
BULGE LAB FINDINGS: Even though there’s no “crater” at the tip signifying foreskin, our technicians nonethless determined this swimmer is uncut. They’re saying 8 inches, slight downward curve when stiff. For a higher-quality pic, see this posting of the pic at the Nylon Speedo Authority’s site. (If you didn’t know, swim briefs used to be made out of nylon tricot and when you rubbed suits with other swimmers, the suits were so slick and lubey that you could squirt.)
Reposting this shot of our oceanic lovebirds. Unfortunately we managed to only get one properly dressed — as in wearing an Adidas swim brief! Mr. Board Shorts says his private parts simply couldn’t fit into any of our suits!